The Hierarchy

Over the time I've been working at the movie theater, there have been quite a few girls who have admitted having crushes on me. Although I usually hear this information second hand bc let's face it, unless you see it actually going anywhere why would you tell someone you have a crush on them anyway?

So, one day me and Brooke were bored and she wanted to know why Marla would get jealous all the time. So, we compiled a list of all the girls that definitely had expressed feelings and also had to set a few under review. Although I never really did anything to warrant the constant jealousy, and never cheated on her, on pure numbers alone I could see a little better where she was coming from (just a touch of course).

Later on, this list was transformed by my current gf into a hierarchy ranking levels of affection of all the girls. Hopefully none of them will ever read this, but Katie (GF!!!) will be left off for now for the integrity of the old list. So here goes (I'll put them in list order and then the evidence to justify their ranking).

Actual Affection / Craziness

1. Marla: Claimed to be in love, relationship for 3 years, tried several times to get back with me after broken up, threatened girls with a machete (not really).
2. Sam M: Would call me over several month intervals asking when I would break up with Marla so I could start dating her.
3. Pam: Had someone drop her at my house and got in my bed to try to seduce me. Needless to say, it didn't work.
4. Roxas: Told basically every guy I worked with that I was hot and loved my body. However, she hated Marla in High School so that may have been a contributing factor.

Your Average Everyday Crushes

5. Samm: Apparently looked at me like she wanted to throw me down all day every day. Also, had to explain to someone why she was staring at my ass.
6. Alex: Told Katie on more than one occasion she liked me. When asked she answered, "Well yeah, It's Twammer. How can I not?" (Or something like that)
7. Karolina: Started a "joke" rumor that me and her had sex, I was huge, and I cut her in half. Also, her friend told me she talked about me all the time.
8. Christine: On her last day left me a note in my suit jacket saying, "call me when you're available." I was dating Marla at the time, and nobody else's note said that...

Just Interested in My Body / Compulsive Flirt

9. Melissa R: Recorded saying if things don't work with her bf, I was still there. No thanks, not gonna be anybody's safety school.
10. Katie G: Most likely drunk when sent me a barrage of texts saying she saw me cute little name and needed to talk to me
11. Sam G: Flirty with EVERYONE, but aways fixed my tie and "needed to prove" she gave quality hugs by pressing with force when I gave her crap once about a weak one.
12. Betsy: Asked me to go to Turn-about. That's about it.

Now, as I stated earlier, in the telling of this list other girls have been proposed to be on the list as well. However, there is not enough evidence in my opinion to place these girls on the hierarchy. If at some point in time, the truth is revealed changes will be made, but for now they will remain under review.

Under Review

1. Brooke: After two days of knowing me, told me she would (and I quote) "do anything in bed" for five minutes longer on her break. [Accusers - Stephanie, Alyssa]
2. Alyssa: Whenever she was upset at her bf she called me until I had given enough advice and was sick of being her go-to-girl. [Accusers - Brooke]
3. Janice: We talked a lot, but never really went anywhere. Went on a kind of group hang that didn't go very well. [Katie, Alyssa]
4. Jenn: Tried to get me to hang with her a lot, including once when she was drunk and according to Marla, tried to lure me over to her. [Katie, Marla]
5. Ashton: Absolutely no possible evidence whatsoever. Jessica foolishly has claimed she should be on the list since it's inception, but hogwash I say. [Jessica]

Well, thanks to Jessica my perfect symmetry (provode?) has been thrown off, but oh well. If anybody has been reading these posts they must have realized by now that Katie and my friends are the shining spots in my life right now, but I see this blog as mostly a place to vent so writing about how awesome they are would be counterproductive. However, since the original hierarchy has gone missing it's nice to unwind and immortalize this one.

"Well, so much for sex without consequences." - Michael Scott (The Office)

Time to stop caring

I'll keep this brief. Apparently the girl I dated for 3 years and broke up with a year ago "cheated on me". Just hearing about this info a few hours ago, I realized I really don't care anymore. Who gives a shit if she made out with some guy while we were dating or banged some jock during a month while we were on a break (which to me really doesn't count as cheating, she would just be more of a bitch for not telling me herself). There's no way to know if this is actually true because even if I asked her I wouldn't get a straight answer, if I got an answer at all, and I doubt the girl who told me has any actual proof.

Now, maybe most people would be mad, and maybe I even should be. But at this point, I'm happy with someone else and this is just be one more reason I shouldn't have let that shit with "Marla" last as long as I did. Everyone tells me I'm too normal, and this kind of thing does happen to people every day, but is it normal to just let it go? I hope so because that's what I plan on doing.

-Twammer out

"If I had a tumor, I'd name it Marla."
- Edward Norton (Fight Club)